The Hungry Student Leader Blog
Bottom-third members are in your organization for personal gain. There is something that they get from being involved at a substandard level – social benefits, status, somewhere to get noticed – and they have little interest in contributing beyond that gain.
Same thing goes for conferences. If you are hosting a leadership conference, there will be a bottom-third of attendees who are there for purely selfish reasons. These people are not necessarily bottom-third members of their organizations, but today, at your leadership event, they are bottom-third attendees.
They are not excited about the keynote speaker, sharing ideas, or learning skills. They might be there because they were compelled to be there. Or, maybe, they are just there to hang out with friends. They didn’t bring a pen and paper to jot down ideas. There is likely somewhere they’d rather be.
I speak frequently at leadership events, and I can easily see the thirds. The top-third folks are making eye contact and coming up to say hello after I speak. The middle third are attentive, but their interest is conditional on me saying something that grabs or entertains them. Then, there is the bottom-third – sometimes sleeping, talking, or on their phones texting – totally divested of any interest in my message, whatsoever.
It’s nothing personal. Unless they disrupt my program, I don’t get offended. I accept that every audience will have a bottom third, and I adjust my goals accordingly. In my mind, I’m always speaking to two thirds of an audience.
If you are a conference planner (and therefore a top-third person at the conference), you like to go into your day hoping and assuming that everyone is there for the same reasons you are. That’s probably not true.
Lately, Twitter has been the most obvious way to see the flaw in this assumption.
The conference committee invites attendees to Tweet comments about their experiences that day. There’s usually a hashtag for the conference. Immediately, the bottom third sees an opportunity to express their unhappiness at being there and begin blowing off some steam.
I’m still drunk from last night. FML
Why wasn’t there coffee at this stupid thing.
I’d rather be sleeping.
The top-third then gets pissed and uses time in front of the whole group to chastise “certain people” for detracting from the spirit of the conference. The top-third wants their organizing efforts to be validated by the attendees. The bottom-third wants to poke some fun and get under the top-third’s skin as revenge for being compelled to attend.
Meanwhile, the middle-third attendees will be sitting there, hearing the drama, being scolded as part of the assembly, and perhaps disengaging from the conference.
I get it. I understand why you – a hard-working leader who has put a ton of work into this conference – want to confront those who disrespect the day’s activities. In your opinion, the bad attitudes or sarcastic humor of bottom-third attendees detract from the learning environment. You feel justified confronting them from the podium.
It hurts your feelings. Am I right?
The best thing for the assembled group would be for you to confront the individuals directly and share how their disrespect impacted you. Don’t make the entire group of attendees suffer through your need for validation. That doesn’t serve the mission of the day.
You might counter, “Well, the middle third is going to appreciate us confronting the negative behavior because it’s hurting their experience also! We owe it to everyone to confront the bad behavior.”
I’m not so sure. It’s one thing to call out someone who disrupts a speaker. It’s another thing to confront someone for expressing a non-productive attitude on Twitter – an open forum whose entire purpose is to provide a forum for unfiltered opinions. When other top-third attendees tell you that someone should do something, assure them that you have.
The bottom-third at the conference could honestly care less what the planning committee wants. A primary quality of bottom-third participants is a basic disrespect for authority. As you go to the podium and try to shame them into better behavior, I believe they are sitting there enjoying the attention.
Meanwhile, the middle-third has to sit through negativity coming from both directions. How do you think that impacts their commitment to learning?
In the never-ending battle between the top and the bottom, the middle third loses every time.
Posted in Confrontation, Education, Events, Motivation, Values on January 30th, 2012 | 9 Comments »
I’m reading “Social Excellence: We Dare You: How Handshakes Can Change the World,” a new book written by my friends Matt Mattson, Jessica Gendron Williams, and Josh Orendi. It’s a self-improvement workbook that encourages a leadership strategy/philosophy they call “Social Excellence.”
What is “Social Excellence?” They offer a lengthy description, but I would boil it down to one phrase they use: “a desire to intentionally connect with others.” Intention is the key word – an active pursuit of meaningful engagement with those around you. If you can learn to take a genuine interest in people and deliberatively and actively connect with them, your efforts and the resulting network enable you to do more as a leader.
The three authors (and their team at Phired Up Productions) embody their philosophy. Go to any conference where their team is present, and you see the perfect mashup of charisma, sales skill and social confidence. If you want to know three-quarters of the attendees at a conference, stand next to one of them.
I recommend standing next to Jessica, because she’s the prettiest.
As I’m reading the book and searching for something to which I could lend a meaningful comment, here’s what I landed on.
Being cool.
The authors say being socially excellent has nothing to do with being popular or cool (p.34). Being cool is about being separate or above others, whereas being socially excellent is about connecting with people and earning their respect. Mattson, Gendron and Orendi say that being socially excellent isn’t about being cool or popular.
I get what they are saying, but am not sure there is a perfect distinction.
In my humble opinion, learning to be socially excellent and finding a community where you can rock those skills is a pretty effective path to coolness.
People arrive at coolness in many different ways. Some people get there because they are good looking, rich, go to the right school, win a gold medal, or exude a sense of clever style. There are many paths.
No one would look at Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg and think “cool.” Add a couple billion dollars and a Time Magazine “Person of the Year” cover, and I’d have a beer with him. Perhaps he’s not naturally cool, but you have to give the guy his props.
Tina Fey. Not a cool youngster. Doing pretty awesome now.
Tim Tebow, Meryl Streep, Barack Obama. Take your pick. Many of the coolest people in the world didn’t come by it naturally. They worked their butts off, did great things, and the resulting confidence yielded coolness. And in almost every single case, it was achieved by hard work, good luck, and a willingness to connect with other people.
Being cool has benefits. Being cool draws people to you. Being cool is awesome.
If you’re a student leader who, like me, doesn’t come by cool naturally – I’m talking to you.
You might be getting your very first taste of cool. For most of your life, you’ve been overachieving and perhaps not feeling very cool alongside your peers. Now, as you find yourself in a position of influence, you have a connection to a group of fellow leaders and peers who validate your efforts and worth. Your opinions and presence are sought after. Even as people drive you nuts, you feel important. You matter.
As the Phired Up authors say: “(Social Excellence is) engaging society so we might matter.”
In other words, when you learn to intentionally connect with people, you start mattering more. And, people who matter are cool. Being socially excellent is a path to cool available to everyone. If you’re willing to work at it, you can learn it and practice it.
I did not know any of the authors in their early years. I have no idea if they were the cool kids in high school. But, I’ve watched them become “cool” in our industry because they’ve worked hard to connect with people.
Regardless of their effort to differentiate Social Excellence from being cool and popular, the connection is there. It’s awesome to achieve cool by being a leader who matters.
If you’re a student leader (or young professional) who looks at your own path and recognizes that meaningful connection with others is improving your life and leadership, then pick up the book. It gives you a couple hundred ways to practice. Social Excellence is learned, and reinforced, and maintained. This book will help you be more deliberate and intentional about it.
Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, making an intentional effort to get off your smart phone and look someone in the eye is going to lead to good things.
And, that’s pretty cool.
Posted in Communication, People, Social, Values on January 21st, 2012 | 12 Comments »
In January and February, I typically spend my Saturdays in various corners of the country at campus leadership conferences or retreats. Student Affairs professionals and volunteers work for weeks or months to put together a full day of programming to help make student leaders more informed and more effective.
Inevitably, the hard working professionals welcome their students at 10 a.m. with the words, “Thanks for getting up on a Saturday morning. I really appreciate it. I know it’s asking a lot.”
No, it’s not asking a lot. Not really.
It’s time to stop perpetuating this counterproductive norm. When did sleeping until noon become an inalienable right for college students? Why do we apologize to students for asking them to wake up at a reasonable time for an activity that is for THEIR benefit?
There are many victims in this world. A college student leader waking up at 9:30 a.m. is not one of them.
Students aren’t apologizing for staying up until 2 a.m. the night before your leadership event. Just once, I’d love to hear a student say, “No, dear advisor, please accept my apology for showing up with bloodshot eyes and ratty hair to the leadership conference you’ve worked so hard planning all month. I really felt the need to get trashed last night, and I’m dragging ass this morning. I know that doesn’t make you feel very appreciated. I’d like to thank you for giving up your Saturday for our benefit when I know you aren’t paid anything extra for doing it.”
Wouldn’t that be nice?
If we were starting these conferences at 6:00 in the morning, then I’d understand the need to congratulate people on getting up, dressing nicely, and being awake and alert. That’s early for most people. But 10 a.m.? C’mon, people.
If we’re supposed to be preparing these young men and women for the real world, shouldn’t convening for a 10 a.m. meeting be a reasonable expectation? When I have an early Saturday morning commitment, I take it easy the night before and make sure I’m awake and prepared the next morning. It’s what adults do, and it’s what we need to start expecting from our students – particularly those we deem “student leaders.”
Do ministers apologize to their congregations for getting up on Sunday morning? Do professors apologize for their early morning classes? Does the foreman at the factory apologize to his workers and pass out donuts asking for forgiveness? No, no, and definitely, no.
Students don’t apologize when they call advisors at 11 p.m. with a crisis, and they don’t bat an eye to schedule a meeting at 9 p.m.. Why are student affairs professionals apologizing to them for asking them to be awake when Starbucks has been open for FIVE HOURS?
Make the start of your event energizing. Make the content valuable. Serve breakfast burritos.
But, stop apologizing for asking people to wake up.
Posted in Advising, Confrontation, Events, Greatest Hits, Programming on January 19th, 2012 | No Comments »
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Bottom-third members are in your organization for personal gain. There is something that they get from being involved at a substandard level – social benefits, status, somewhere to get noticed – and they have little interest in contributing beyond that gain.
