Hazing is morally wrong because it has the potential to hurt. It’s just that simple…
My favorite picture of my son and me, taken several years ago.
My son will be going to college in less than two years. He is in his junior year of high school, and we are working on our list of potential colleges.
When he arrives, he will be eager to fit in at the small, private college he chooses. There, he will want to find friends, make a place for himself, and find his family away from home. He will likely join some campus organizations, quite possibly a fraternity since his dad has been so involved in fraternity life.
And it scares the hell out of me. There’s a part of me that sincerely hopes he doesn’t join a fraternity. I worry that he will be hazed.
See, here’s how it could go…
Some sophomore in his fraternity who has been elected “pledge educator” will firmly believe that he understands the best way to build unity in his chapter. In his mind, the harmless activities they do – which might include yelling, alcohol, embarrassment, servitude activites – are part of the fraternity’s tradition. They build character, he thinks. Break the pledges down so we can build them back up as brothers, the reasoning goes.
Because, after all, who knows better the mechanics of building character than some 19-year-old pledge educator? Clearly, by this fraternity’s way of thinking, my son’s parents did not do a good enough job of that.
What this young man won’t know is my son’s history. He won’t know about his abusive birth father who beat his mother in front of him. He won’t know about the birth father’s sexual abuse of his sister in the room next to his. All this naive pledge educator will see is my son’s pleasant demeanor, confident smile, and smart mouth. He won’t see what lies much deeper inside.
The pledge educator won’t know how my son responds to frustration or humiliation. Why should he?
Because my son places a high value on being “one of the guys,” he will go along with it. He won’t want to wimp out. His desire to belong will overrule his better thinking. He’s a teenager, after all.
I have no idea how that fraternity’s silliness might affect my son. It is entirely possible that a bunch of stupid activities meant to bring my son into their fraternity will actually drive him to a pretty dark place. If they humiliate him in some way, he won’t respond well. It’s enough to scare a father to death.
There are hundreds of reasons why hazing is wrong. I’ll let others talk about how it goes against the values of your campus organization, or how it actually tears at the cohesiveness of a group. I don’t care to recite the anti-hazing laws or the national policies of your organizations. Those are all fine and valid reasons not to haze. They should be enough.
But, my reason is more personal. I do not think that the average college student organizing “silly” activities that qualify as hazing has any idea of the harm he could be inflicting on a young man or woman he is hazing. Unknowingly, he could be doing deep psychological damage. Even to just one kid. And, that’s morally wrong in my mind. Inflicting harm on another person, intentionally or not, is abhorrent.
There are thousands of good kids out there searching for a place to belong on their college campus. You can’t tell from looking at them, but they’ve been through a lot. Some, like my son, spent years in the foster care system. Others were abused, or dealt with addictions of their parents. Some have spent years finding the right balance of medications to keep them productive. You have no idea what hidden harm lies beneath that kid’s smile.
You have no idea what they are willing to endure to belong. You have no idea what injuries you are reopening. You have no idea how that kid is going to be affected in the moment you haze, in the weeks that follow, in the years to come.
National Hazing Prevention Week starts today. I’m proud to have played a role in starting it, and I did that because I worry about my son. I want him to be able to go to college, make friends, join a group, and be a happy young man.
As a student leader, you have the opportunity right now to stand up on your campus and simply say, “Hazing is wrong.” Don’t wait for someone to die, or be rushed to the hospital. Don’t wait for your college or university to crack down. Don’t wait for your national organization to put you on probation. Stand up now and say, “Hazing is wrong.” It’s immoral, and there are better ways. There are no valid reasons to haze. Not one.
In 25 years as a fraternity man, I’ve never heard a justification for hazing that is more valid than the importance of treating every person with dignity. Plain and simple. As a fraternity man, I’ve always known this. As a father, I am 100-percent certain.
If we are able to eradicate hazing, it will be because student leaders like you made it happen. It has to come from you.
41 Responses to “Hazing is morally wrong because it has the potential to hurt. It’s just that simple…”
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Excellent article… should give others something to think about. I wish him well as he chooses his college and hope that he will choose a fraternity that does not haze. There are many of those out there.
TJ,
There are a lot of things in life that have the potential to hurt. Getting fired at work for not having the guts to close a sale can hurt. Not having the confidence to talk to a girl can hurt. Being weak under pressure and stress can also hurt.
Hazing is something that happens every day in work and social environments. This process weeds out who is mentally/emotionally tough and who is not. Most hazing does not kill or seriously injure anyone. It takes the form of sober driving for brothers, line-ups, and some drinking traditions that are present in many families. If you can’t take hazing, how are you ever going to handle your boss? The guys that don’t take it too seriously and with stride end up gaining respect. The guys that go tell a university official or cry to their pledge educator lose respect as they cannot handle what really amounts to small tasks and some mind games.
Be a man, not a baby. Hazing will continue because most people don’t take it nearly as seriously as you do.
Although there is no good reason for hazing, the definition of hazing by todays standards is absolutely absurd. There are things I do in everyday life with my friends, family, co-workers what have you that if I were to do the same with a pledge it would be considered hazing.
My biggest gripe is how over-protective some parents are of there children when they grew up in what was probably one of the most free-spirited era’s in this nations history. I am in no way condoning hazing but I am saying people need to get off these organizations backs. The way they try to go about hazing prevention is similar to the way they go about talking to highschool students and alcohol. The same boring scare tactics year after year.
The entire thought of what hazing really is needs to be rethought because I shouldn’t have to think about getting in trouble if I ask a pledge to – and I quote – “please take out that garbage over there”. It is absolutely absurd.
I appreciate your concern but if you are worried tell him how it is; you went through it yourself so you know what happens. Although the greek life of today is nothing like it was in terms of the horrible things I am sure you may have went through or seen.
Just as a final messege, the people in charge right now need to stop thinking of ways to hinder things and stop babying those about to fill their shoes.
Excellent! I am proud to say that as an advisor to my collegiate sorority I wasn’t hazed, they still do not haze, and make it very clear to incoming new members that out national organization as well as our chapter specifically DOES NOT HAZE. “Hell week” is our Inspiration Week. I learned about myself thru our New Member process and one day hope my daughter and legacy can do the same in a chapter that has the same high moral standards that i was brought up on in the greek system.
OK, Greg. Here’s my thought. My son has ALREADY been through more horror than most of us (me included) should have to tolerate in a lifetime. I don’t need some dumb ass pledge educator triggering psychological buttons in the name of fraternity, which is supposed to make you a better person, a better man, a better student. Do you honestly think that suffering emotional abuse makes a person strong, better person? No one who has ever worked with kids or young people who have suffered this sort of thing would agree with you, if so. My son is a strong young man – a good man that any fraternity should compete to have among their ranks. His life will be better, and his fraternity chapter will be better, if everyone operates from a place of mutual respect.
Someone e-mailed me the link and I read the whole article before I noticed that you were the author. Many thanks from someone whose life you have touched. Zeta Theta 72.
Hi TJ – Great post. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately, in the context of other reading I’ve been doing.
When I joined my chapter (alpha theta) we were in the process of re-colonization and had strict rules about no-hazing. I can attest to the fact that building a strong brotherhood without hazing takes far more work and time than doing it with hazing. It’s easy to throw a bunch of 18 year old kids into something terrifying and tell them to “grow up”, so they use their own shared experience as a bond. It’s much harder to build something lifelong and positive.
The non-chalant attitude towards hazing bothers me; it scares off people that might create genuine diversity in the greek system by telling them the equivalent of “if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen”. Therefore, we purge out anyone who might have something great to add in favor of guys who can put up with some pretty rough things.
It takes a lot of guts to stand up to the cocky 19 year old pledgemaster who thinks he knows how things work. It’s too bad we scare those guys away by giving them “silly” tasks like “drinking traditions that are present in many families”. (as an aside, how many men graduate from the greek system with serious drinking problems? I bet the % is higher than you think).
alpha theta – michigan state – #1397
I think you give your son too little credit.
To have gone through what he has and has the ability to display to the world a “pleasant demeanor, confident smile, and smart mouth” is a true testament to his resilience and your efforts in trying to reverse the effects of his childhood trauma.
To say that your son would do virtually anything to “fit in” is IMO a very demeaning thought of your son. He’s been in high school long enough for you to realize that he does make sound decisions, though I am working on the assumption that 1) he has good grades, 2) does not get into fights or break the school rules, and 3) does not do any illegal activities very common in underage kids “trying to fit in.”
If you are THAT concerned about hazing in fraternities today and how it will affect your son, talk to him. Let him know what YOU went through back in the day upon pledging (it probably hasn’t changed much over time). Make sure that he knows that if anything is done to him or anyone he knows in the fraternity that he does not agree with, he needs to speak up. If he is ignored, he still has the option to leave. Joining is a CHOICE. Just make sure he understands that.
Great Article. As a father and educator, I now regret the things I did to pledges in the name of brotherhood. I fully support all initiatives to end hazing, and turn the pledge process back to educating the new members about what it means to be a Pi Kapp. I recently found out that my old chapter is in danger of extinction due to low numbers, and I have to wonder if a culture of hazing is partially responsible.
Ben McCumber AA612
As a sorority woman, I can honestly say that I would rather be surrounded by men like TJ than men like Greg. Thank you for choosing to be a father TJ and for bringing up a remarkable young man. I truly hope he does join as the fraternity world could use more guys like him.
Thanks for the message, TJ, you make some great points. I ache at the thought of what your son endured. Greg, everything that causes pain is not “hazing”. Getting fired at work is painful, but not hazing. Ditto interactions with friends, dating or stress on the job. Hazing is the process of intentionally humiliating or demeaning potential members of a group/team/club, through which they “earn” admittance, or more senior status. It is mental, emotional or physical abuse. Sober driving for brothers – not hazing (yes, maybe your university said it was, but its not). Making pledges do things that foster a sense of unity is not hazing if they are constructive, safe and dignified. Yes, universities may seem overly strict on what is hazing, but that is because so many organizations are hell bent on pushing the envelope that if every little thing isn’t spelled out, someone will think to do it to a pledge/team member in the name of “building character”. Thus a lot of harmless parts of pledging (ie – reciting mottos, poems or information about members upon meeting them on campus; doing service activities as a condition of becoming a full member, or taking on extra responsibilities around the house/dorm) have gotten tagged as “hazing”.
Family drinking traditions?! I can’t even think what that means. “Hey junior, drink until you puke – just like me”? Now, Suzie, you know we Smiths always go shot for shot with Grandma so she doesn’t have to be the only alcoholic in the family.” Forced drinking – yes that will help you get through life…
Pledging and hazing are not the same thing. Hazing does not make the man/woman. Greek organizations can help young young men and women become successful, happy adults, but it is not the hazing that contributes to their growth. Not to mention all the people who DON’T join Greek organizations and are also successful happy adults.
Hazing is abuse and has no place in any respectable group.
TJ,
Much like what was identified by the post after me, the definition of what is hazing has gotten out of control. Think pragmatically, as a pledge I was made to sober drive, clean up after parties, and attend certain functions. I was a pledge for one semester and had to perform these duties. After that single semester, I had seven semesters of all that work done for me. You may call that hazing, but I and many others call that an amazing return on investment. I didn’t feel humiliated, instead, I simply understood that I was serving the brothers and would reap the benefits of membership once I was finished. Perhaps you didn’t take much economics, but that is a fantastic deal. If that exchange hurts your feelings, then perhaps you need to join a club and not a fraternity.
Funny…this sounds a lot like what I said to the participants at UIFI: Ohio State two weeks ago. After they finished debating (as a part of the curriculum) whether fraternities and sororities were “a benefit to the success and development of today’s college student,” we had a good, but tough conversation. I shared that as a campus fraternity/sorority advisor I talked to more parents that I could count who were apprehensive about their child joining a fraternity/sorority on my campus. In every single one of those conversations, I advocated vehemently for membership. I spent a lot of time telling parents why they should let their child join. That was all before I became a parent myself. Now I wonder if that is what I should have been saying.
I am a current undergraduate member of a fraternity in my senior year and my chapter does not haze. This is a fact that every member of our organization takes pride in, and I know most of us would not still be around if we had been hazed. I have the luxury of being able to stand up for my rights as a human if I feel they are being violated, but I recognize that many people don’t feel as comfortable doing so. As others before me have mentioned, I would recommend talking to him about it and making sure he knows that hazing isn’t cool and that he should always be able to stand up for himself.
In my opinion, one of the most important aspects of what constitutes hazing as it refers to fraternities and sororities is the expectation of a pledge to do something that a brother is not expected to do. My chapter holds our brothers to a higher standard than we hold our pledges to because it would be dishonest and disrespectful to expect them to be better people than we are. The purpose of pledgeship is not to break someone down and build them up to be better brothers, it is to teach them about the fraternity. If a chapter is recruiting properly, the pledges will already be men of good character. In response to what Greg said about learning to cope with your boss: if a boss is creating the sort of culture in the business where his employees feel emotionally distraught by working under him, then he is not doing his job right. It is not the employees fault for not being able to handle pressure, it’s the boss’s fault for not being an effective leader. Hazing can happen in the workplace too. That doesn’t make it okay.
Here’s a simple solution to all of your problems. How about you just not allow your son to join a fraternity. It is selfish to want to change an organizations ways that could have been in place for many years just because of a problem your son has had in the past.
@Greg — I don’t know where the hell you are working, but you might want to consider getting a new job or finding a new line of work altogether. I’ve been working as a professional for over a decade, in three completely different careers and I have to say, I have never been “hazed”. You might want to look up the number for your HR rep or hire an attorney. Seriously?
** sigh ** OK, Cameron. And if the only choices at my son’s college are hazing chapters, that’s exactly what I’ll urge him to do. That’s the choice that thousands of parents make every year, but as someone who has spent my professional career advocating for the promise and good of fraternity/sorority life, it’s an ironic position to find myself in. I think many of you who are hazing proponents are missing my point. You have the potential to HURT people whether you mean to or not. As I approve each of these comments, I sit here wondering what kind of values system you operate from that you think that’s OK? I imagine that most of you are not parents, or perhaps you would see my point more clearly.
T.J., I just want you to know that I echo your sentiments. Hazing is the practice of insecure people who think the way to increase their own value is to decrease the value of others. None of these organizations claim to exist for this purpose, and those who are insecure enough to think that they do probably never should have been initiated into them in the first place. My personal philosophy is that you don’t even have to call it hazing – you probably just shouldn’t be a jerk to people for any reason. Accountability is important, and there are proper modes for that, but can’t we all agree that anything that looks like being a jerk is probably being a jerk? So often we get into these debates about policies and procedures and what our organizations tell us is right and wrong – let’s just stop and commit to the idea that we’re not going to be jerks. What would be so hard about that?
Is driving morally wrong because it has the potential to hurt?
I don’t think the proponents of hazing here are advocating hurting other people, at least I hope they’re not, but I think what they are trying to say is that everything we do has some risk associated with it, and it should be the individuals responsibility to decide what risks to take.
The way you’ve phrased this argument makes it immoral to do practically ANYTHING. We both know this hazing issue is more nuanced than that.
T.J. I don’t usually read the comments on blogs, but after your tweet this morning I felt compelled to come check them out. During my collegiate experience my chapter did not haze. I now advise for a chapter who when I arrived was participating in some very ugly hazing tactics.That has all changed now, but we still have a part of our membership who was hazed as a new member. For those people making comments that are pro-hazing, I suggest you reach out to a chapter that is in the midst of a culture change in regards to hazing. While not ALL Members will feel that not hazing is the answer, and will be “going along with it” simply to save the chapter from closing. There will be quite a few people who get it. At the end of the day, hazing is the lazy mans way of building unity. Nobody is fighting with you that it works. It certainly works. What it doesn’t do, however, is lead to lifetime commitment to your organization. If all you spent your time on was “unifying pledges, drinking games, and partying” then I imagine upon graduation you will find little benefit to give back to your fraternity with your time, talent, or treasure. My current Members who were hazed have had countless conversations with me about how thankful they are to no longer have that as part of the membership expectation. That they truly enjoy the time they spend with sisters (lifetime and new) and that they have forged better, stronger, more long lasting friendships with each other as a result of hazing being eliminated. (Especially since hazing usually creates an environment in which you are very close to those you were hazed with and really dislike those that hazed you, and are in constant fear of them) They also comment (more frequently than you would think) about those Members who have now graduated and don’t keep in touch with anyone from the chapter anymore (even those they graduated with) even though they fought and fought about how hazing helped them to create lifetime friendships and that it needed to remain. If all you know is a hazing culture, it’s hard to understand how anything different could work. I challenge those of you defending hazing to take the time to consider what your organization/new member program would like without hazing, I have a feeling you’d be surprised.
it’s not just that it has the potential to hurt people — IT DOES HURT PEOPLE. And not just people — young people who are not cognitively developed enough to analyze the situation and make the best decision all the time. Their identities are still so fragile at that age — they make poor decisions on their own behalf because they are desperate for approval and attention from their peers. This is about more than asking someone who lives in the fraternity house to take out the garbage — this about physical and emotional abuse.
While it’s easy to talk in absolutes, unfortunately nothing in this world is absolute. Hazing has the POTENTIAL to hurt people, but its not guaranteed to.
Was I hazed when I pledged? Yes I was, and it didn’t hurt then and it doesn’t hurt now. I wasn’t physically or emotionally scarred and I believe I came out of it a better person. Hell, I come from a pretty strict household and at times I felt more mentally hazed at home than while pledging. Now maybe I’m just lucky, but let’s not just outright vilify hazing as evil when like all tools and methods it has its benefits when utilized properly.
Just to be clear, I’m not advocating beating pledges or forcing them to strip naked in public or trying to induce a nervous breakdown or what have you. I just think this ‘Hazing is wrong. Period.’ mentality is a very basic viewpoint that doesn’t allow any other factors to come into play.
Thanks TJ for your thoughtful and poignant message. I will approach the subject briefly from an academic slant adding the following:
. . . . With everything else that busy students have to DO today, including their primary “job” of studying, work, sports, etc., why would folks who are already “so busy” – especially students who choose to add the many additional LEGITIMATE activities of Greek Life to their schedules – want to add more stress, risk and time to their schedules by including hazing activities?
. . . . . Why would folks who call themselves “good fraternity members” or “strong sorority sisters” (or even good team members as very very busy student – athletes committed to success in competition)think that questionalbe or illegal behavior is in line with their fundamental goals and purposes like their values of friendship, winning, love, brotherhood or sisterhood? It just doesn’t make any sense to me.
I also want to give a BIG PURPLE and GOLD shout out to the many students (Greeks and Student Athletes!) at Western Carolina Univerity who were “present” and attentive last night at their National Hazing Prevention Week Kick-Off Event. I appreciate your warm welcome, your participative learning efforts and the moves you are now manking to stop that bystander behavior and the hazing on your campus now!
Thanks again TJ and all who commented, helping us all to think more about hazing. PS: Send I-pod to NC State and SD, JM and I will make sure he won’t have a thing to worry about . . . and neither will his dad
Great reflection. Great photo. Picked me up on an off nite.
It boils down to this: why would you intentionally do something to hurt someone you love?
Lay off Greg — he has some valid points to make about life in the company of men. Nothing is illegal — no public humiliation — but exclusion, mettle testing, and earning your place are somehow tied to the human condition. Yes, I don’t like it — and I fight it wherever/whenever I can, but Greg is right — kids don’t grow out of this and our kids should be prepared for it. Maybe if we just broke from it now (noble thought) corporate culture would change.
Great article T.J.
I can not fathom how many of you commenters are actually advocating for hazing when you admit the potential harm. You seem to all highlight that it is only the potential not definite harm. Well that is absurd. Why are you taking the chance in the first place? I understand that many of you were hazed and are okay, but I guarantee someone you know was hazed and it did harm them. I know not everyone who is hazed is harmed–as you argue its only the potential–but why take that chance?! You’re playing Russian Roulette with someone’s life because they want to fit in and be a part of your group. That just makes you a horrible person.
I know you dont want to hear this, but I have to agree with Greg and Billy. I understand as a father you dont want something to trigger deep down in your sons brain to torture him, trust me I understand that, but hazing is part of the social experience. Like Billy said life is not black and white sure it would be great to just stop hazing, but lets face it it wont happen. It is part of life especially after college, and the hazing that goes on today I am sure is not nearly as bad as what we used to go through. I know this is not the greatest of analogies, but I think you will understand my point. The hazing these boys go through during pledge week is like the “hazing” I went through in basic, obviously to a much lesser extent. It will bring these boys closer together than they could ever hope to be in a non-hazing environment. They will look at one another see that they are going through this hazing together and it will bring them closer. Just like my platoon and I became a family as we struggled through basic together we leaned on each other and became brothers, just like these boys will do.
God Bless
I agree with your sentiment to eliminate any forms of dangerous/harmful hazing in Greek Life, but I’m slightly confused with your concern for your son’s psychological health. I have seen/heard of all sorts of random Pledge tasks and I cannot think of any that would have psychological affects simply because a kid has had a rough past. Pledge tasks are meant to bond the pledge class together and teach a few things about the respective chapter while having a few laughs and embarrassments along the way. Having to dance like an idiot in front of a few people or drink a few beers isn’t going to harm anyone psychologically.
I’m not trying to be a hardass towards you and your son, but if he’s as psychologicially vulnerable as you think he is, AND if he’s as smart of a kid as you think he seems to be, then he should use his better judgment to simply stay away from Greek Life. College is the link between home and the real world for a young man, and by this age you should know what you can/cannot handle in life. Again, in no way am I trying to be harsh towards your son, but putting yourself in harms way simply because you want to “be one of the guys” is something you do in middle school, not college. I understand your worry as a parent, but I simply cannot see any Pledge task I’ve heard of harming someone that badly. It seems to me like your real concern is that stress in general could have an extreme affect on your son because of his past. And if that is the case, hazing should be far from your main concern when it comes to your son heading off to college.
Thank you T.J. Great article.
TJ, as you said its a lot easier to haze pledges to form unity than alternatives. I am a junior in college and am dealing with hazing issues in my fraternity. what are some alternatives to hazing?
It seems odd that a man that forced his “son” to grow up in a gay household is suddenly concerned about his “son” having to endure any emotional stress in pledging a fraternity. However difficult pledging is, there is no way it is as emotionally traumatizing as being adopted by gay men.
In reality, you are just selfishly exploiting your “son” to try to push your agenda, and maybe get paid to speak at a few more colleges.
I struggled with whether to approve this hateful comment, particularly since it was posted by an anonymous coward. But, figured it would give my readers some idea of the crap people throw at you when you take a stand against them.
I’ve been sitting, faced with the computer screen, feeling my heart race, my palms sweat, and my mind jump from one thought to another trying desperatley to figure out how “Anon” has the nerve… the lack of life experience… the absence of human connection… and lack of decency to post what s/he did. I’m offended on a couple of levels.
One… the use of “son”. An adopted child is somehow not quite real to adoptive parents? More value is placed on the genetic link between parents and children than a relationship built on trust, love, and care?
Two… the idea that being raised by a gay couple is considered a traumatizing experience. I’ve seen, known, loved, and lost truly traumatized children… the impact of abuse and neglect on these children–on their behaviors and on their sense of self is a lifelong struggle brought about in their efforts to protect themselves. Trauma is being locked in a room with your siblings, no food, no bathroom, and no adult. Trauma is having your “parents” passed out drunk while you and your siblings struggle to take care of yourselves. Trauma is being left in your crib to cry for hours on end. Trauma is seeing your mother beat up by your father.
Am I naive? No. I’m sure that at some point TJ and his husband have talked with their sons about their relationship. I’m sure the kids had questions. I know my daughter has had questions about gay couples we know. However, these are as easily answered as “Why is the sky blue, Mom? “Why do you have freckles, Mommy? “Why did you marry Daddy, Mom?” “I married him because he’s loving… and he’s funny… and he understands me… and I knew he’d be a great father, honey.” Probably the same response TJ and his partner shared with their kids.
Great article TJ. You having been Greek as an undergrad, I could imagine it’s got to be tough now as a parent getting ready sending your son into the same world, albeit some differences to be sure. I’m very glad to have been part of a chapter that doesn’t haze. I would venture to guess that one of the biggest reasons the majority of men joined my chapter was because of that fact. I looked at a couple other fraternities before settling on the right one and I still can’t figure out how the hazing there could’ve contributed to brotherhood. I’m proud to have lifetime brothers & friends that share the same values.
As far as that anonymous post, it’s very disappointing and disheartening to see there are still people that exist today with such hateful and bigoted attitudes. Hey guy, his SON (no quotes) is far better off with TJ than he ever was before. Too bad there aren’t as rigorous screening criteria to have children as there are to adopt. Let’s hope the cycle is broken and your hate isn’t passed on.
PKP Eta Upsilon #181 – Miami University
Greg.
Do you really not see a problem here? Hazing is illegal in 44 of the 50 United States. And yet, every year there is at least one death on a college campus that is hazing related. This has been happening for many years now. That’s so many innocent lives that could have been spared, but weren’t because of people’s misconceptions of the meanings of brotherhood and sisterhood. And that statistic only refers to colleges campuses. Think about high schools, various clubs, and the military. That’s more deaths right there. Do you honestly think it is okay to force alcohol consumption, humiliation, isolation, sleep deprivation and sex acts onto our youth? These HURT people. Emotionally and physically. Sure, other things hurt people too, like getting fired and getting rejected, there is no denying that. But this is within our control. We have the power to stop this.We can save so many lives by simply being the compassionate human beings we are meant to be.
T.J.
Love the article. It is truly touching. Nobody can take your compassion away from you, so keep it up!
stories of child abuse…
[...]Hazing is morally wrong because it has the potential to hurt. It’s just that simple… « T.J. Sullivan[...]…
T.J., as a student currently in college and a member of a sorority, i think this article is great. Thankfully i did not get hazed and i am closer to all my sisters because of it. however, the boys at my school are not so lucky. Any boy looking to join a fraternity endures an extreme amount of hazing. things that i cannot even write about on here because it is just that disturbing. and the worst part of it all is that i do not even know everything that happens because most won’t even tell me due to the fact that they are so scared. its so sad to watch my good friends becoming people i don’t even know anymore as pledging takes over their lives and they loose twenty pounds and contract mono from lack of sleep. they look like walking zombies and i want to cry when i do hear the few stories they will actually tell me. HAZING NEEDS TO BE STOPPED. their are no benefits to it. it doesnt pull groups together, it pulls them apart. it can kill and it does. how someone can torture someone else so easily and not even have second thoughts about it is beyond me. great article!
Thank you for your article. My 19 year-old daughter is just now finishing her freshman year at a small Methodist college in Georgia. She became a “pledge” in a local sorority. It has been awful! Cussing, screaming, blindfolded, driven off campus in the middle of the night, taken to the mountain for “creek-time” in the middle of winter; made to do so many “army crawls” until both of her entire legs were bruised from her knees to her ankles. She has since “de-pledge” and is in the process of filing a police report. While she did not immediately go to the schools administration, she did go to the school’s psychologist because of the dark place she was in. This psychologist was also the sorority’s advisor. Fortunately, that person reported the incidents which got the ball rolling… My daughter has good days and bad days. What these so-called “sisters” did to her has made my daughter stronger but at such a high cost. She fears greatly- almost paralyzing fear at times- to where she doesn’t want to leave her dorm room. Nevertheless, she has decided to pursue justice for those girls who come after her. As a mother, we don’t want our children to have to face the hard places in life. Thankfully, she not only has a strong faith but also a sense of right and wrong.
The comment made by an anonymous person was stinging. TJ definitly cares about his adopted sons. Also, hazing is a real problem, and the topic in this discussion, not TJ and his partner, Scott.