“What do we do with the weird girl?”
The question was pretty basic and straightforward. It wasn’t asked with malice or scorn.
“What do we do with the weird girl?”
The question is asked frequently in quiet discussions before or during women’s formal recruitment in every corner of the country. I was asked in an open forum of sorority alumni advising undergraduate recruitment.
“What do we do with the weird girl?”
The one who is hard to talk to. The one who comes off awkwardly. The one who looks a little strange. The misfit toy.
My answer was simple. You don’t do anything with her. Treat her like everybody else and let her do her thing, or whatever thing she enjoys doing.
Let her be weird. Stop being so afraid.
Has a woman ever decided against a sorority because she met one “weird girl” at a party? If so, would we want that woman anyway? The world is full of weird girls and boys. Delightful, awkward, brilliant weirdos.
I love ‘em. They are beautiful and important.
Being in an organization with someone who is different or awkward is great training. There will always be awkward people – ask anyone with a job. Learning how to build relationships with the challenging people is a valuable skill.
The weird girl is probably pretty interesting. The weird girl will probably start a technology company, and we’ll wish we worked for her.
Many of us feel a little weird and awkward, especially as teenagers and young adults. OK, she sticks out a bit at the recruitment party. Maybe seeing a young woman in your chapter who doesn’t fit the mold will give others who feel “outside the mold” a sense of assurance. Maybe someone who is starting to feel like all sorority women on your campus look and feel the same will remember the sorority that showed a little diversity.
Maybe you need more weird girls.
Women’s formal recruitment brings out the actor in many of us. We clap, we sing, we initiate forced conversation, we bump. Perhaps showing that we have an organization with room for many types is a testament to the values that get missed in our recruitment conversations. Maybe the weird girl will give others courage to be a little more weird themselves. That could be healthy.
Wasn’t “Fat Amy” your favorite character in Pitch Perfect? I mean, come on…
I’ve always believed that the qualities that make a good brother or sister have nothing to do with looks, or social excellence, personal style, skin color, hair color, or outfits. I prefer things like commitment, loyalty, honesty, work ethic, academic excellence, empathy, and a desire to serve others. All qualities that can exist alongside “weird.”
Maybe weird girl will be the sister who becomes your national organization’s chapter advisor of the year someday. Who knows? So maybe you don’t put the weird girl at the front door. But, don’t put her in the kitchen either. Put her by the punch bowl where the other brilliant weird girls can find her.
Don’t be afraid of the weird sister. What’s weird to you is magic to someone else. Be proud of her. She’s part of what you are, and she’s more important than someone who would be scared off. Great members aren’t always found. Very often they’re made.
“What do we do with the weird girl?”
Stand next to her and recruit.
5 Responses to ““What do we do with the weird girl?””
Leave a Reply
EXCELLENT! I wish all chapters celebrated this kind of diversity!
Thank you again…this was my favorite part of the adviser session with you on Saturday. Let your freak flag fly indeed. A chapter with no weirdos is one click away from Stepford, Ct, and we all know how that story ends.
Celebrating . . . over here by the punch bowl! Thanks TJ! Way to once again “Bring it!”
Such wisdom, TJ! I always appreciate the women who think beyond the box because they have so much to teach me.
Fantastic advice, especially for a system or culture that is often critiqued by outsiders for not being accepting of those who are different or for forcing people to conform and look/dress/act alike.
I would love to see more organizations recruit the weird girls and guys. I’d love to see a whole chapter or system of Greeks that have nothing in common save a shared sisterhood/brotherhood and the underlying values. We’ll all quirky or weird deep down. Let’s let that unite us.